Working Together

"If I had it to do over again...". How often does someone in my age catagory say that! But, it's true. There are things I would hope to do differently if I had a chance to "do it again". Gratefully I don't have that opportunity. Unfortunately, with my personality and drive I may not change a thing even when I know better. However, it is good for our learning and development to think things through and see where we might have improved.

Now, "If I had it to do over again" I would include my children more in the tasks of everyday life and make it a time to share together. I just read my daughter-in-law's blog http://71toes.blogspot.com/ on her determination to do so and it lead me to several other articles and comments which helped me to realize how much we might have gained as a family by this change.

Yes, we taught our children to work and expected them to do their chores each day and especially on Saturdays. However, most of that work was cleaning and was done independently, not together. I realized while watching another of my daughters in action that she had improved on my approach. She included her children in the preparation of the meals. When it came time to prepare meals I was usually alone in the kitchen. I think of all the conversations about the day that I could have had with my children while we prepared our meals. They were all expected to be home by 6 p.m. sharp to eat and obediently complied (or they were blessed to do the dishes) but now I wish that they had gathered at least by 5:30 so we could have had that time together and I could have had some help. Not only that, they would have learned more cooking skills...a bonus, especially for their future husbands!

They all eventually learned to cook as well as clean, etc. but still, I missed out on that time with them. I'm more a "get the job done" person and hate to "ask anyone to do anything I can do myself". Some teachings just get in your way as a mother.

My husband, on the other hand, is "the world's greatest delegator"! Some of our strongest memories now are of mowing and raking our large lawns. No, it didn't seem all that fun, but we did it together as a family project and it felt good. When we got a new lawnmower we had a basket on the back which picked up the grass. It was kind of sad when one or two children could do the task alone and we stopped making it a family project.

Yes, I'm all for including children in our daily tasks as long as we make it a positive experience, remembering that "relationships are more important than things." We must be focused not on "getting the job done" as much as having a shared, nurturing, positive experience. There are times we know that just can't happen so we opt for a different approach. These together times are challenging and it's hard to know sometimes if we have succeeded, but it's worth trying.