Dedication

We just attended the dedication of the new BYU Idaho Center (I-Center). Just after we arrived for our mission Elder Bednar spoke at the ground breaking ceremony which we attended (Oct 31, 2006). He spoke of gathering and gave a prophesy to the students, faculty and community. Today he repeated that prophesy. We created a clip of this prophesy from a video and have used it the past four years in Vision Conference, teaching the students that if the spirit of "entitlement" or "intellectual arrogance" were to permeate this valley then the spirit of Ricks would be extinguished. The spirit of Ricks is a spirit of dedication, innovation and frugality. It brings the Spirit of the Holy Ghost and is the greatest asset of this university. The outstanding students are strong, humble, dedicated and diligent. Most come from humble backgrounds and I've come to truly appreciate that kind of heritage. It makes for young people who know how to work, sacrifice, serve and obey.

Vision Conference also teaches the students that they are here for a purpose and being here is an important part of their preparation for their individual missions. They are brought here by the Lord. How very blessed they are to have that calling and blessing.

How very blessed Bob and I are to be here in Rexburg through this amazing period of revelation and growth. The Lord is directing his university as it pushes forward into new avenues of teaching and learning. We've seen the on-line learning and pathways program get their beginnings and develop into wonderful programs that bless lives. We've watched a temple take shape, be completed and dedicated, leading tours and enjoying the wonderful celebration program.

Today two wonderful buildings were dedicated and it was the sweetest experience to be able to attend (3rd row front and center). We listened to three apostles Pres. Eyring, Elder Nelson and Elder Bednar. Elder Bednar could hardly contain his emotion. He has seen this school make the transition from the 2-year Ricks to the 4 Year BYU Idaho. That was his mission while he was President. President Eyring saw it through much earlier stages and was here when the Teton Dam broke and wiped out Rexburg (The flood). He ministered to the community by offering them shelter and food in the untouched Ricks facilities.

This valley has had quite a history and it has an amazing future. The new I-Center is patterned after the Conference Center in SLC. It seats 15,000 and in addition has 10 basketball courts behind the auditorium. Pres. Clark said, "Just think of it as a great big chapel with a great big cultural hall". It truly is amazing. You can't see it without wondering at such a facility being built here on campus in Rexburg, Idaho. Obviously, the brethren have vision and there is a sacred purpose for this facility. How exciting it will be to watch it unfold.

We are a part of a great work, surrounded by dedicated faculty, employees and students, dedicated to the Lord and building his kingdom. It is our greatest desire to fulfill our responsibilities to this institution. Our work goes forward, possibly changing in form but with a purpose to assist in helping the Lord to accomplish his work here. It is a marvelous privilege!

A Bountiful Thanksgiving

How fun it was to be in Arizona for Thanksgiving. We had a great time together. I'd have to say the highlight was our traditional extended family gathering for pie. Any of our children who are having Thanksgiving elsewhere, still bring their families in the evening to share pie and play football in the backyard. Last night, however, my brother, Stuart's, family was also gathering in Arizona and all of them came, loaded with pies.We figured we had over 80 people in the house, eating pie, playing, visiting, laughing and just enjoying being together. This is the family we stayed with most spring breaks when we went to Utah to ski. Sweet Uncle Stuart and Aunt Helen with their six children welcomed us
with our 9 children year after year and our children cousins became like beloved brothers and sisters. Yes, there is a price to pay for that kind of family closeness and I'll be eternally grateful for the welcoming attitude of that sweet family. They enriched our life!

We saw our cousin, Brian, for the first time in several years. Fun to see him and his cute children again. Angela, Heather and Kara catching up!

Josh and his girlfriend, Leah, came for dinner. It was great to meet her.

Brimley's cousin, Lauren, came from Tennessee to join their family for the holiday.

She was a great sport and it was fun having her.

Kara's sister, Kaytlin, spent the weekend with us. She attends BYU Idaho but is working in Tuscon this track. Great to see her again. She'll be back with us soon in the cold north country.

A New Granddaughter!

Ella has a new baby sister, born in August to Seth and Julie.

Isn't she beautiful? Can you tell Ella likes having a new sister? Her name is Macie Jane Parkinson and she's a petite little gal! That's grandbaby number 34!

Bob and I were headed for Southern Utah to attend the Shakespearean Festival when she arrived a couple of weeks early, so it was a few days before we could make our way to the Parkinson home to help the family make the transition from 5 children to 6, three boys and three girls. Bob kept the older children entertained with golf and other entertainment while we did our best to get Macie started in life. She's a good baby, but a newborn none the less. Her older sister, McKenna, was the only girl until about 3 years ago and now she has two little sisters.

What a joy these sweet little grandchildren are to us. We'd love to have a dozen more...not sure that's in the cards but each baby is so very welcome in our family. We all love babies! I know, that's hard to tell.

Treasure Husbands

A longtime friend lost her husband recently very suddenly. About a year ago another dear friend lost her husband. Both were there, fully active and seemingly healthy one minute and gone the next. Yes, I know I'm at an age when I should expect such things, but it is still such a shock to see people I love and have known for so long either no longer be with us, or lose their eternal companion for the rest of this life.

I remember a woman in our ward in Arizona who lost her husband. As we visited she said, "Be nice to your husband". This latest friend had the same advice. Do we really treasure our husbands the way we should? Do we realize how empty life would feel without them? or are we focused on their failings and take all those sweet blessings for granted?

My husband is out of town today. I have to admit I enjoy a day all to myself once in a while, but, boy oh boy, am I glad that he'll be home again in just a few hours. I love that man dearly. He truly is my soul mate... not because we each found our soul mate when we met and married but because we have shared life, looked to each other, loved each other, suffered together, rejoiced together, and become one. That's what a good marriage is all about.

Life together on this earth will never be long enough. Only eternity will do. How grateful I am that I have that to look forward to. We often say that we want to go together. Neither of us wants to be left behind... even for a little while. Reality is, however, one day we will be parted. It's hard for me to even think about that. What if I didn't know that it would only be for a little while, and that I would still be able to feel his spirit close by? I just pray that it will be many many years before that time comes. We both yearn to grow old together.

My heart is with those dear friends who have had to suffer this great loss and I hope I can bless their lives in some way while they await their reunion. Also, I hope that I can treasure my sweet husband every moment of every day and remember what a gift it is to have him by my side. If I can, I will have the added blessing of no regrets.

The "Mancation"

We returned last night from the Milwaukee/Chicago "Mancation". That's what they called it. Many of the men in our family gathered for a weekend of manly fun. They went to a Cubs game, ate Chicago pizza, played golf, went water skiing, even included a new movie and Five Guys and Fries. They all bunked at Bob and Virginia's where Virginia made sure they were met with every food they could desire! I understand the steak BBQ was amazing!

The women, in the meantime, laid low. I spent my time between Kara, Hallie & Hunter and Virginia and Cameron. This included wading in the water-flushed curbs, sprinklers on the trampoline, playing board games, building with blocks, lots of pretending, attending Cam's Baseball game, a massage and tacos. I loved the talks with my incredible daughter-in-laws. I love both of them so dearly. They are some of my best friends.

There aren't a lot of pictures because men don't do that sort of thing. Hopefully, someone will have something to remind them. Yes, those little boys do grow into men...but they retain their love for the physical things. Hopefully, they are not the worse for wear.

A Personal Loss

While Carol Lynn and I were at West Yellowstone I read on my phone that a student had passed away. When I opened it and saw who it was I was stunned. Isaiah Quinlan, a former Vision Conference employee, had died at age 26 from an aneurysm,, leaving a young wife and 4 month old baby. Isaiah was a special young man, outstanding because of his perserverence and humility rather than his exceptional natural talents. He was so teachable, always striving to improve, taking feedback openly and pushing forward, knowing he'd probably never be the best but wanting to be the best he could be. His funeral was an amazing spiritual experience. His mother, Bishop and Pres Clark spoke. His mother spoke of how he was not athletic so didn't participate in sports in his younger years but in high school took on Cross Country Running. However, "he ran like a duck". His mother pointed that out to him and explained how he was supposed to run. Being the humble young man that he was, he listened and worked for a year to learn to run normally, then went on to set and achieve goals, going from consistently dead last to a healthy middle.

I remember when I hired him that I was a little unsure as to how he would relate to the students but felt we needed a little diversity. His humility, positive, happy spirit and determination to succeed made him one of the most lovable facilitators to us all. I am happy for Isaiah. He has completed his earth-life successfully, but I feel great sorrow for his wife, Holly, and baby, Lucy. It will be a tough road for them to do the same. I wrote something for a booklet that will be given to his wife which I will try to attach here. It makes me once again feel how we must treasure every relationship while we can and think again about the blessing in my own life of his beautiful example of humility, diligence, and gratitude. I'll miss him.

Baby Blessing

Yesterday our little James Alan Ruden was blessed in Sherwood, OR. We weren't there and felt the loss. However, we were able to picture it all in our minds and visited with Annie and Jimmy on Skype so we could see him in his blessing clothing. (How grateful I am for Skype). They also recorded it on Dan's cell phone so we will be able to hear or read it. I'll get a blessing picture and post it later, but look at this beautiful newborn! His mother looks darn good, calm and happy and she is! What a joy it was to witness this birth.

We also did the next best thing...we participated in the blessing of Sam's grandson, Nathan's son, Coltrane Christopher Pothier. It was a beautiful blessing Sam's ward and gathering at their home. It is so fun to see and be able to interact with Sam's posterity now as well as our own. Grandma Annie Jo would be proud, so would Grandpa Robert. I often wonder if they are there for these occasions. If so, they would have had a busy Sunday with two great grandsons being blessed. The Sam Pothiers are doing well. They are grounded in the gospel, dedicated to their families and moving forward. We continue to be amazed at the "tender mercies" of the Lord in allowing us to have this precious time together.

The Joy of Family

What a joy it was to have family with us over the 4th of July. That holiday in Rexburg is the best!
We have the options of a parade, a rodeo, fireworks, , spray park, lake,carousel, feeding ducks and roasting hot dogs and s'mores. We included swimming at a neighbors in a beautiful heated pool (good thing since it was still chilly here), a movie, a trip to G-dairy, wuffle ball and playground at the park. We could have included a marathon, bowling, rafting, bike riding...see there are lots of things to do in Rexburg, especially on the 4th.

Seth and Julie's family, Stephen and Kara's family and Carol Lynn all came to help celebrate. It was wonderful! The late night visits after the children were in bed were worth the shorter nights and we all survived. After the Parkinsons returned home Sunday night, the Oxnams arrived for their family reunion. Bob and I and Carol Lynn moved to Sam and Nancy's house just straight through the field and turned our home over to the Oxnams. That worked out beautifully. We had a family BBQ with Sam's extended family on Monday night, played Skrewy Louie and had great visits while Steve and Kara continued to wear themselves out with tennis, fishing, frisbee softball, Rigby Lake and more. I'll let Kara tell you all about that.

Carol Lynn and I took the opportunity to spend a night at Yellowstone Nat'l Park where we viewed two plays, "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" and "The Foreigner" and drove to and hiked the falls. The weather was heaven and so was the ice cream! We were able to link up with Dad on our way back. He was attending a Faculty Dinner in Island Park where the men were fishing at a private pond. (I forgot this event when I made the plans but was able to see several faculty and wives anyway). We all drove home together. I'm with Shawni, I'd prefer to have Bob do the driving, especially at night.

We had another day and a half with Steve's family and I felt like the children really knew me and felt my love. They were very responsive and so darling! So, I'm going to join Dad on his "mancation" Wisconsin this weekend to spend a couple more days with them! Hopefully, while the men are playing I can help Kara get some projects done by enjoying the children and keeping them occupied. With our recent interaction they will be comfortable with that and so will I...not looking forward to two days of travel but will surely love the two days in Wisconsin. We want to take advantage of every opportunity to be with family. It truly feeds our spirits!

Working Together

"If I had it to do over again...". How often does someone in my age catagory say that! But, it's true. There are things I would hope to do differently if I had a chance to "do it again". Gratefully I don't have that opportunity. Unfortunately, with my personality and drive I may not change a thing even when I know better. However, it is good for our learning and development to think things through and see where we might have improved.

Now, "If I had it to do over again" I would include my children more in the tasks of everyday life and make it a time to share together. I just read my daughter-in-law's blog http://71toes.blogspot.com/ on her determination to do so and it lead me to several other articles and comments which helped me to realize how much we might have gained as a family by this change.

Yes, we taught our children to work and expected them to do their chores each day and especially on Saturdays. However, most of that work was cleaning and was done independently, not together. I realized while watching another of my daughters in action that she had improved on my approach. She included her children in the preparation of the meals. When it came time to prepare meals I was usually alone in the kitchen. I think of all the conversations about the day that I could have had with my children while we prepared our meals. They were all expected to be home by 6 p.m. sharp to eat and obediently complied (or they were blessed to do the dishes) but now I wish that they had gathered at least by 5:30 so we could have had that time together and I could have had some help. Not only that, they would have learned more cooking skills...a bonus, especially for their future husbands!

They all eventually learned to cook as well as clean, etc. but still, I missed out on that time with them. I'm more a "get the job done" person and hate to "ask anyone to do anything I can do myself". Some teachings just get in your way as a mother.

My husband, on the other hand, is "the world's greatest delegator"! Some of our strongest memories now are of mowing and raking our large lawns. No, it didn't seem all that fun, but we did it together as a family project and it felt good. When we got a new lawnmower we had a basket on the back which picked up the grass. It was kind of sad when one or two children could do the task alone and we stopped making it a family project.

Yes, I'm all for including children in our daily tasks as long as we make it a positive experience, remembering that "relationships are more important than things." We must be focused not on "getting the job done" as much as having a shared, nurturing, positive experience. There are times we know that just can't happen so we opt for a different approach. These together times are challenging and it's hard to know sometimes if we have succeeded, but it's worth trying.

Sons and Daughters

In social conversations I am often asked how many children I have. When I answer “nine”, it usually elicits a response of surprise. The next question is usually, how many boys and girls? The answer: four boys and five girls. I’ve been thinking about that. At one point that answer was true, but for only about 3 years between the time our youngest was born and our oldest son married. Then the more appropriate answer kept changing. Today I could say, “yes, I have 9 daughters and 8 sons” and it would be true.

I know people are talking about my immediate children when they ask… children born to us, not gifted, but as each of our precious children have married, their spouses have become “ours”. In fact the beauty of the matter is that we were able to acquire these added children without all the work and effort that went into our own. Thankfully that was done by their biological mothers. People count their adopted children as their own. It should seem only appropriate to count our “acquired by marriage” children as ours and we do.

Of course, the biological mothers and fathers always rule supreme. They are cherished by their children and fill a spot no other will ever be able to fill. But, hey, you can’t have too many people to love you and adding an additional mother and father can only bless a life. So, we offer our love and adopt these additional sons and daughters with all our hearts. Thankfully, so do all our children.

One of the greatest joys in life has been to be able to not only get pleasure from our own children as adults but to have the benefit of these additional eight young adults who joined our family and bring so much to our table. Each one is unique, just like our natural children. They have their own personalities, talents and gifts and each adds something of great value to the whole.

We find as the years pass and we watch the “give” and “take” of family life that it only gets richer with each added family member. The expansion of heart and joy goes on with each grandchild---a subject for another time!

Our most satisfying moments are when we see all our beloved family members enjoying one another in such a strong bond of love and friendship. When one comes into town, they all gather and celebrate together. They love being together and we love that they love it. Family reunions are spontaneous. When an invitation to gather goes out, everyone jumps at the chance to be with some of their very best friends – their “brothers” and “sisters”. What could be more joyous than that?

How very grateful I am that “Families are Forever” because I will love them forever and cherish the blessing.

Writing and Talking

Why is it so hard to sit down and write? My husband keeps telling me that I need to write. For some reason the idea that I "need to write" or "have to write" just pushes everything out of my mind. I can't think of a thing to write about. On the other hand, when I am just pondering I have great conversations with myself when I explain how I feel about things and how nice it would be to have those thoughts recorded, in just that way. Writing for me is either there or not. Sometimes I get on a roll and the thoughts just flow. However, if I can't get it together...nothing...blank...not a clue! I wish I could write on demand but it just doesn't happen.

Once my mother-in-law told me that, since my husband was not a strong communicator, I should fill my need by writing the things that I am thinking. Not a bad idea. That's one of the blessings of journals. I've heard that women need to communicate about 25,000 (or so) words a day and men only 10,000(something like that). Ah! There is the problem. A friend of ours said that's why he likes his wife to walk for exercise with other women. That way she can get out several thousand words that he doesn't have to listen to.

I enjoy thinking something through and expressing my views on things...maybe too much, but I also like to listen to the ideas of others. It's not enough to have someone just listen to my babbling, even if they say they enjoy it. I love getting new insights from the expressions of others. It needs to be interactive and mutually fulfilling.

Much conversation is what my son calls, "Cocktail Conversation"... it is social and stays on the surface. Meaningful conversation goes deeper. That's challenging to me because I was carefully taught that you don't ask personal questions and that some things are "none of your business". Therefore, it has facinated me to watch my oldest son and his wife delve into a conversation head first. They are not afraid of asking deep questions and surprisingly, I have found that even strangers appreciate those deeper conversations and the connection it creates in just a short time.

I like to analyze things. Sometmes I analyze things to death! However, I love nothing more than to have a good analytical discussion with someone else who enjoys analyzing, like my son, Bob. We can talk for a good long time, also Carol Lynn and Annie are my "dig deep into a subject" kids. Gratefully, they are anxious and willing to do this little activity with me, their mom, when we can find time. There is some real value to it. We feel close and connected. I know that there are others who would like to pursue this activity but are way too busy, in the throws of raising children. Once in a while it happens, and I love it!

I'm still determined to learn to write. That way if anyone is ever interested, they'll know more about what I've experienced through the years and how it has blessed my life. I just hope I get the opportunity to really share those same things in the lives of my children. Blogs are a big help. I love that several of the girls have blogs. It gives me some insight into what they are thinking and how they feel about life and it often opens the door to my seeing something in a totally new way. I love that!

My Father's Example

Fifty years ago today we held the funeral for my dad and buried him at Wasatch Lawn Cemetery in Salt Lake City, Utah. It is January 16, 2010. He died January 14, 1960. I was 15 years old.

It is amazing to me that my dad's influence has shaped my life so with only 15 years to do so. As I reflect on my time with him I realize that almost all of his influence has come from his example. I don't remember my father attending any of my school or church activities. I'm sure there were some that involved him but that's not what I remember. In those days children's activities belonged to children. Parents were focused on providing for their families and, in my Dad's case, serving the Lord. Those were the two things I remember the most about my Dad.

He wasn't home a lot. Daily he was at work and many evenings left after dinner to fulfill church responsibilities. On Saturdays he manicured our yard with my brothers, then enjoyed the evening with the family, visiting friends or just sharing time together. On Sundays he headed for Priesthood and other meetings early in the morning. The rest of us joined him for Sunday School, then we all returned home for a sit down, dining room table, family Dinner. In the evening we returned to church for Sacrament Meeting. At the dinner table he led a discussion about the things we had learned in our individual classes. Some of my brothers were returned missionaries and, as the youngest, I mainly listened while great gospel discussions took place.

This was the true beginning of my own personal testimony. As I listened to the convictions of my dad and older brothers and their explanations of the gospel, the Spirit bore witness to me that it was true. I loved the Lord and I loved this opportunity to learn. I always knew that I had a loving Heavenly Father and prayer was an integral part of my life from a very young age. I trusted Him to be there for me whenever I was afraid, worried or had a special need and He never let me down. I'm sure that my trust in the Lord was influenced by the pure love that came from my father's humble spirit, and love, not just for me personally, but for everyone. I don't remember a lot of personal interactions with him, counsel or discussions one-on-one, but I was taught by who he was. His love radiated to everyone around him, regardless of status or circumstances. He was a friend to all.

My dad served in the Stake Presidency in the Park Stake in Salt Lake when I was very young, then as a Bishop in the Princeton Ward, called when I was 10. So, I often saw him honoring his Priesthood as he officiated in directing the Lord's work. I was always very proud of my father, not because he was a man of importance, but because he was so dearly loved by the people in the ward. Each felt his love, received of his service and learned from his counsel. He reached out to the one, visiting the widows, lonely and needy and assisting them. I often accompanied my parents in their regular visits to people who had emigrated from Holland where he served his mission. I still remember their humble circumstances. Our family also had limited resources, but I never felt deprived. Instead, I considered myself especially privileged because of the quality of my life. Material things were of little consequence to my parents. Their lives were totally focused on serving their family, friends, the needy and the Lord. It created a rich and satisfying environment of peace.

I am grateful beyond words for a father who loved the Lord and demonstrated that love through his service to others. His example is the greatest gift he could have given me. My children and grandchildren are so precious to me. I wish they could have had the privilege of knowing their Grandfather Hendrik Poelman in this life, but I know someday they each will be able to enjoy his love and influence. Considering the eternal nature of our exisitence, I'm sure somehow they already do.

Christmas in Arizona

I was blessed to be able to see all of our children, all but one of my in-law children and all but one of our grandchildren in the month of December. I left a week before Thanksgiving to celebrate the holidays in Arizona and stayed there (all but one weekend) , until after New Years. What a treat! Steve and his one-year old son, Hunter, came for a wedding the middle of the month. How I loved cuddling that little guy. He would only go to Steve or I and seemed perfectly satisfied in my arms...warms your heart. Annie and her one-year old son, Andrew came about the same time. It was the first time the two one-year olds had been together...such fun!

My month included 3 Nana Sleepovers with different groups of grandchildren (grade school age boys, grade school age girls, and Jr. High/High School kids) That was so much fun! We shared dinner, games, stories, videos, made Christmas cookies and played in the back yard...you can do that in AZ in December! The highlights besides the grandbabies and the sleepovers were attending concerts and performances, having grandchildren stop by after school, dropping in for visits at children's homes, a Christmas Eve sit down dinner for about 34, Christmas buffet with extended family, about 65. A special family night with all the family except Steve & Kara and children, including a surprise arrival of our oldest grandson's girlfriend.

Then to top it all off we had a New Year's Eve Party that couldn't be beat. Paul and David hosted it with a hugh bar filled with food at Paul's, a rousing game of nerf frizby dodgeball in the church gymnasium, a fun game of "Three Deep", dancing, noisemakers, hats and lots of shared fun. I would love to spend every December in Arizona, connecting with family and friends. We'll see if that is possible. We are now enjoying sub zero weather in Rexburg but its good to be back.