Working Together

"If I had it to do over again...". How often does someone in my age catagory say that! But, it's true. There are things I would hope to do differently if I had a chance to "do it again". Gratefully I don't have that opportunity. Unfortunately, with my personality and drive I may not change a thing even when I know better. However, it is good for our learning and development to think things through and see where we might have improved.

Now, "If I had it to do over again" I would include my children more in the tasks of everyday life and make it a time to share together. I just read my daughter-in-law's blog http://71toes.blogspot.com/ on her determination to do so and it lead me to several other articles and comments which helped me to realize how much we might have gained as a family by this change.

Yes, we taught our children to work and expected them to do their chores each day and especially on Saturdays. However, most of that work was cleaning and was done independently, not together. I realized while watching another of my daughters in action that she had improved on my approach. She included her children in the preparation of the meals. When it came time to prepare meals I was usually alone in the kitchen. I think of all the conversations about the day that I could have had with my children while we prepared our meals. They were all expected to be home by 6 p.m. sharp to eat and obediently complied (or they were blessed to do the dishes) but now I wish that they had gathered at least by 5:30 so we could have had that time together and I could have had some help. Not only that, they would have learned more cooking skills...a bonus, especially for their future husbands!

They all eventually learned to cook as well as clean, etc. but still, I missed out on that time with them. I'm more a "get the job done" person and hate to "ask anyone to do anything I can do myself". Some teachings just get in your way as a mother.

My husband, on the other hand, is "the world's greatest delegator"! Some of our strongest memories now are of mowing and raking our large lawns. No, it didn't seem all that fun, but we did it together as a family project and it felt good. When we got a new lawnmower we had a basket on the back which picked up the grass. It was kind of sad when one or two children could do the task alone and we stopped making it a family project.

Yes, I'm all for including children in our daily tasks as long as we make it a positive experience, remembering that "relationships are more important than things." We must be focused not on "getting the job done" as much as having a shared, nurturing, positive experience. There are times we know that just can't happen so we opt for a different approach. These together times are challenging and it's hard to know sometimes if we have succeeded, but it's worth trying.

Sons and Daughters

In social conversations I am often asked how many children I have. When I answer “nine”, it usually elicits a response of surprise. The next question is usually, how many boys and girls? The answer: four boys and five girls. I’ve been thinking about that. At one point that answer was true, but for only about 3 years between the time our youngest was born and our oldest son married. Then the more appropriate answer kept changing. Today I could say, “yes, I have 9 daughters and 8 sons” and it would be true.

I know people are talking about my immediate children when they ask… children born to us, not gifted, but as each of our precious children have married, their spouses have become “ours”. In fact the beauty of the matter is that we were able to acquire these added children without all the work and effort that went into our own. Thankfully that was done by their biological mothers. People count their adopted children as their own. It should seem only appropriate to count our “acquired by marriage” children as ours and we do.

Of course, the biological mothers and fathers always rule supreme. They are cherished by their children and fill a spot no other will ever be able to fill. But, hey, you can’t have too many people to love you and adding an additional mother and father can only bless a life. So, we offer our love and adopt these additional sons and daughters with all our hearts. Thankfully, so do all our children.

One of the greatest joys in life has been to be able to not only get pleasure from our own children as adults but to have the benefit of these additional eight young adults who joined our family and bring so much to our table. Each one is unique, just like our natural children. They have their own personalities, talents and gifts and each adds something of great value to the whole.

We find as the years pass and we watch the “give” and “take” of family life that it only gets richer with each added family member. The expansion of heart and joy goes on with each grandchild---a subject for another time!

Our most satisfying moments are when we see all our beloved family members enjoying one another in such a strong bond of love and friendship. When one comes into town, they all gather and celebrate together. They love being together and we love that they love it. Family reunions are spontaneous. When an invitation to gather goes out, everyone jumps at the chance to be with some of their very best friends – their “brothers” and “sisters”. What could be more joyous than that?

How very grateful I am that “Families are Forever” because I will love them forever and cherish the blessing.